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Growing Up On Tour: The First Pair of Boobs I Ever Saw (And Signed)

I was taught never to view women as sexual objects, and to treat your girlfriend like a divine princess. I was taught to treat her gently, respectfully and to never enter a relationship just for sex. As a teenager high on hormones, this created much internal conflict. Consequently, my confidence around girls was quite low, as it was around kids my own age in general. My relationship goals were based around finding something with heart, something that would last. This was a strange place for a teenager to be – old enough for desire, too young for love. Just another internal contradiction to add to the pile!

One day, my father and I travelled up to Cairns in Queensland for a gig at Johno’s Blues Bar. With my usual session guys backing me up, I was seriously looking forward to this gig. Johno’s was centred around Johno, a guitar player/singer who loved his blues as much as his drink. That place was the pub you could go to, to get shit faced on real live blues music. As a performer, I knew I’d always get a responsive crowd that was ready to let go!

Throughout the set, I saw a girl in the front row batting her eyelids and shooting suggestive smiles. But as a 13 year old, I didn’t know what the hell a suggestive smile was, I just thought she was enjoying the music. So I shot her smiles back. She’d smile, I’d smile. I remember the crowd being a particularly “saliva-ry” one. There is sway drunk, jump drunk and then there’s saliva drunk. Lots of screaming and spit flying around the place. Very primal!  I could tell that she felt a little out of place and she disappeared. As I sat back stage with my dad and my band, blood rushing, reflecting on the awesome gig we’d had, I couldn’t help but think about that girl. I wanted to see her but knew I didn’t have the guts to approach her, so I dismissed the thought and went back to reflecting on the night.

I hear a knock at the door, and a security guard pops his head in to tell us that there’s a girl on the other side of it, wanting her tits signed by me. What the fuck?! My head started spinning! There was no way I could sign someone’s boobs. I’d never even seen a pair in real life! The band were egging me on to accept the challenge, but I couldn’t do it. I declined respectfully and the security guard left. Ten minutes later, he pops his head in to say that she won’t leave until I’ve signed them. Another surge of adrenalin pulsated through my veins. I literally felt trapped! Trapped between “You should always treat a girl like a princess” and “I really want to see some boobs!”. Dad noticed me hesitate and took me aside and gave me advice that was completely out of character for him “Nath, don’t over-think it, what are you worried about?”. I told him what was going through my head. Logistically, how would it happen? What do I say? What do I do? Will she take her top off or do I have to do it? If so, I don’t know how to take a bra off! Once they’re out, will she hold them so I can sign my name clearly? Or do I have to hold with one hand and sign with the other?? Fuck! Lost in panic, dad told the guys to leave the band room and gestured for the security guard to let the girl come in. AND HE LEFT ME BY MYSELF! Which in hind sight, was the less creepy option.

I see a lady walk into the band room, and it was her! It was “smiles chick”! Holy hell. My heart was pounding! In denial of the situation, I went into my usual “after show” banter. “Hi how are you? Did you enjoy the show? I love Cairns… How about that weather…?” What made it even more intense is that she seemed just as nervous as I was! When we ran out of things to talk about, and I ran out of ways to delay the inevitable, she asked for my autograph. I nervously replied, “No problems!! Let me grab a piece of paper… Who shall I make it out to?”.. She grabbed my hand and told me that she didn’t want an autograph on paper. AAAAARRRR! I was cornered and slapped into reality. After what felt like a whole night of stuttering and resisting, I caved. She unbuttoned her bra and I purposely started my signature as high on the upper chest toward the neck as possible. Her hand grabbed mine, and moved it down further to her “boobs”, and my hand finished off what felt like my incredibly long last name! With an exhale of relief and a few bashful smiles, she asked for another service that I was completely inexperienced in…a kiss! Concealing my panic terribly, I kissed her on the cheek as I stood up out of my chair and gave her a big hug. I opened the door, and she left. I remember sitting back on my chair in compete awe, uncertain and confused. I wasn’t sure whether to be ashamed, laugh or cry. I’m positive my face was as red as a fire hydrant!

Soon after, it was time to leave, and we walked out of the band room with guitar cases in hand. I was at the back of the pack holding two guitar cases when I felt a hand whip me around and push me against the wall. Before I could make out what was going on, a tongue was planted into my stunned mullet mouth. Whilst the left hand rubbed my chest and arms, the right placed a note a little too deep into my jean pocket. She told me she was working night shift reception at a hotel next door to mine and left. Again, I was left extremely conflicted.

I opened up the note on the way back to our hotel room. It had her phone number and the details of the hotel she worked at. My imagination ran wild. Being too “respectful” to act on it, that’s as far as it went. My imagination ran wild for months after that! It made for an awesome story at school. School and touring…two very, very different worlds.


For those who are new to the site, hit up my introduction post and the about tab to understand what inspired this website as well as what’s to come. 

16 Comments

  1. Andrew Tierney19/12/2016

    I’m trying to find myself a new girlfriend since I’ve not had a girlfriend since High School, and no matter how much I try to respect them they would always reject me, since 2000, when I last had a girlfriend, I developed an interest in meeting Melissa Ippolito, who performed with you in the Sydney Paralympics opening ceremony, she has the singing voice of an Angel, but since I moved interstate in November, 2015, I’m better off finding someone close to where I live, people who are in the Autistic spectrum often have difficulty interacting and socialising with other people, I was diagnosed in 1992, at the age of 9.

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri21/12/2016

      Hey man!!! You know what they say…. You got a kiss a lot of frogs. 😉 I don’t know a single person on this planet who hasn’t been rejected. I like to think of rejection as a step closer to what is waiting for me. All we can do is learn from them (without over-thinking), and carry on. Everyone has their thing. Get out there!

      Reply
  2. david19/12/2016

    You lucky little bugger….

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri21/12/2016

      Ha! Didn’t feel like it at the time.

      Reply
  3. Malcolm Gully19/12/2016

    (now what does one say in response to that)….Bravo! You stuck to your values …..and fulfilled a request! Trauma counselling for this conflicted emotion can be cured by ……. Cured by…….A variety of wholesome activities and may require such things as…….music…..travel ! Like exactly what you were doing! And none of this survivor guilt no sirree well presented, tasteful, informative and glad you shared….My sister still hasn’t washed the signature off only joking!

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri21/12/2016

      bahahahaha….. I think the therapy you are referring to is cognitive? 😛

      Reply
  4. Roddy19/12/2016

    Exactly how my father told me the story.
    The moral is that when you have something in front of you, take it.

    Because if you hesitate,you will regret it for the rest of your life.

    That has happened to many time, I forgot what my father told me.
    Don’t let your memory remind you of something that could be but never was.

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri21/12/2016

      So so true. Especially outside the theme of this post/ 😉 I love that Roddy. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  5. Michael Connolly19/12/2016

    He he…growing up is such fun….looking back!

    Reply
  6. Andrew Tierney19/12/2016

    I did that to a friend back in 2010, she giggled when I did it

    Reply
  7. Glenn19/12/2016

    Ha ha, that’s a great tale. Thanks for sharing mate!

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri21/12/2016

      My pleasure. ha!

      Reply
  8. Andrew Tierney24/12/2016

    Merry Christmas Nathan

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri27/12/2016

      Right back at ya mate!

      Reply
  9. Leon15/02/2017

    Haha that was a great read and bought back some memories…
    My dad was the drummer in Johno’s Blues Band at the time and I remember he took my brothers and I to see a gig you played at the Cairns High School hall. Vaguely remember meeting you back stage, but unfortunately there were no boobs on the loose then. Totally missed out!

    Reply
    1. Nathan Cavaleri16/02/2017

      bahahahahaha! Hilarious….. I played there twice from memory. You missed out indeed haha……

      Reply

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